Clowns To The Left Of Me ... Jokers To The Right

All other amusing anecdotes will have to wait. This is a mental elf emergency. I dreamt that I was back at the circus. Those of you in the know will no doubt experience the same cold shiver and sense of doom that I did. For those who aren't aware of the horror, let it suffice to say that the circus is a place which I used to frequent on regular occasions. Not an actual circus, you understand, but a place where things happened that would not be out of place in the big top. Never before has the phrase "clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right" been more appropriate.

Without further ado, I introduce to you, for one night only ..."Billy Bronco's Flying Circus". Starring:

The Magician
Her specialist act involves making extremely important things disappear into oblivion, such as post, bills and last years Christmas decorations. Her only failing is an inability to conjure them back again, but this is a budget operation ... what did you expect?

The Great Cake Swallower
Kind of like a flame swallower, but less talented and marginally less dangerous.If you have cake, you better watch out ...

Nellie ... The Elephant
No circus would be complete without it's very own Nellie. She doesn't do a lot, but she looks the part and she can stomp around the ring when the mood takes her.

The Performing Monkey-Detective
The PMD's specialist subject is detecting. If you have a problem, personal or professional, PMD knows about it (whether you want her to or not). No movement goes undetected. Prepare to be amazed at her abilities, but be careful ... she can be quite dangerous. Think Miss Marple crossed with a venomous rattle-snake.

and finally ... the one you've all been waiting for ...

The Ostrich-Ringmaster
His ability to remain oblivious to his surroundings is second to none. Watch as the chaos unfolds, and you will see him expertly bury his head in the sand. There's really no-one quite like him!!

And you think I'm kidding ...