Doing A Shirley Valentine

When I was a little girl ( a very long time ago), my mum often used to say that she was going to "do a Shirley Valentine" if we didn't behave better ("us" being me and my three younger siblings). I always used to think this was either something lovely (as in bake us a huge cake or buy us a puppy) or something really sinister (like chopping all our toes off whilst we were sleeping). It took me many years to discover the truth: that "doing a Shirley Valentine" meant going away on holiday and forgetting to come back (and talking a lot to a rock, but that is not the point I am going to dwell on here).

I often think about "doing a Shirley Valentine" and not returning from my holiday. Just recently, in fact, I was enjoying my first anniversary holiday so much that I did not wish to return to my normal life at all. I would have been quite content to remain there until all our money ran out and the hotel kicked us out (both of which would have been much sooner than I would have liked). However, I would never actually "forget" to return from my holidays because I have responsibilities to come home to, like work.

One of my colleagues, on the other hand, does not seem to take this responsibility terribly seriously. She is quite prone to "doing a Shirley Valentine". Last summer, she went to the airport to catch her flight a day after it had left. Clearly, hotels in Greece are not particularly bothered whether you are actually a paying guest who has a reservation at the hotel or not. This year, she is on holiday again, and discovered that her flight does not arrive in the UK on Sunday, as she thought, but on Monday instead. She is meant to be back at work on Monday, so she sent a text into the office: "I thought my plane landed on Sunday, but it lands on Monday so I won't be back to work after all. Thought I should let you know". Generally speaking, when you fly out on a Monday for a week's holiday, you expect to fly back on a Monday, no? Apparently not in Shirley Land. We are currently taking bets on when she will return.

As a result, I plan to send the following text from my next holiday: "Dear all. I thought my holiday was coming to an end, but it is not. I am "doing a Shirley Valentine". I do not know which day, week or even year I am going to return. Thought I should let you know".