Conversations With Mr B : The Crossword - Part 1

Scene: Sat at home. Baby B has just gone to bed after a day of screaming. I am sat with a hot cup of tea, minding my own business and enjoying the peace and quiet. Mr B is sat in his armchair with coffee, the latest copy of the newspaper and a pen.

Mr B: What's the opposite of tired?

Me: Erm... awake? Not tired? Why?

Mr B: I'm doing the crossword. The clue is the opposite of tired. I think it's untired. That fits, I'm going to write that.

Me: I'm not sure that's how the crosswords work. You're meant to answer the clue.

Mr B: I have. Untired.

Me: You're meant to answer it with a real word *

Mr B: Next clue. Unrefined. That's airs and graces isn't it? That would fit.

Me: No. That's not unrefined.

Mr B: But why? It fits. It has the right number of letters.

Me: It doesn't answer the clue.

Mr B: Why not? It has the right number of letters.

Me: That's not how the crossword works. You answer the clue with a word that is actually the answer to the clue, not something totally random.

Mr B: Right. Some kind of exotic vegatable pulse thing beginning with an M. Eight letters, fourth letter is B.

Me: Mung bean.

Mr B: That's just made up.

Me: Nope, it's a real thing.

Mr B: I'm consulting google.

Me: You do that.

Mr B: Oh

Me: So it is real then?

Mr B: Yes, but it can't be right because it doesn't fit with airs and graces.

Me: But that's not the answer to unrefined. Unrefined is someone who doesn't have airs and graces.

Mr B: Yes, so it must be that, it fits.

Me: I don't care if it fits, it's not the f*cking answer.

Mr B: I think it is.

Me: Can you stop talking now?

Mr B: Why?

Me: I preferred listening to the teething child.


* Disclaimer: his newspaper of choice thinks this is a real word, I disagree and am backed by the spell-checkers on my computer which are going crazy with squiggly red underlining that means "what the f*ck are you on about? This is not a word. Sort yourself out". Unrefined was "rough and ready" (not airs and graces) and Mung bean is a real thing and was the answer to the clue.