Scene: Walking home from Royal Quays shopping outlet after a lovely hot chocolate and cake in Thorntons cafe. Mr B is trying to explain some new TV programme to me
Mr B: It's got that character from "In The Loop". You know who I mean.
Me: "Walk the f*cking line" (in a very bad Scottish accent) - that dude?
Mr B: No. The other one.
Me: "Difficult difficult lemon difficult"
Mr B: No, you goof, that's Chris Addison's character.
Me: Yes, I know that.
Mr B: The other one. Erm... Simon.
Me: Oh. "It's not inevitable. It's just not evitable"
Mr B: "You better work on that f*cking line" (also in a bad Scottish accent)
Me: That's an awesome film.
Mr B: It was R. (ex-girlfriend) that put us onto that wasn't it?
Me: Yes. *short pause* Remind me, how did you two ever break up? You seem to have an awful lot in common.
Mr B: Basically, one day she said "nah" and I am completely emotionally inept and said "oh ok".
Me: So, basically, we've just lasted this long because I didn't say "nah" to you?
Mr B: Erm... well... no, not exactly. I'm different now. I'd fight for you.
Me: What if I said "nah" to you now.
Mr B: Erm... I don't know
Me: That's not putting up much of a fight for me after 9 years Mr B.
Mr B: Ok. How about this - I've got the house keys.
Me: I've got the joint account card and there's a Premier Inn across the road.
Mr B: I can take the money out of the account. Or I could, if I knew the password.
Me: That's it? I've got the house keys. That's all you can come up with? Not that you love me or anything like that.
Mr B: Well, I was being practical, because you're a practical person really. I could start bringing the boy into it but that just seems pathetic.
Me: Well, yes. I would win. I've got the maternity leave.
Mr B: So?
Me: Are you kidding me?
Mr B: Well, that's just an accessory issue.
Me: Is it? Well, what are the big issues then?
Mr B: Well, I love you, because obviously that seems to matter to you, but most importantly, I have the house keys.
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