Not A Morning Person

I make no secret of the fact that I am not a morning person. Not one little bit. I find the whole morning process entirely tedious and detest it a large amount. Especially when I have to go through it twice in one day. No, you didn't read it wrong.

The other day I was rudely awakened by my alarm (as usual). I begrudgingly got out of bed, brushed my teeth, spoke to Mr B and hopped in the shower to wash my hair. Only to be woken by Mr B, thus revealing that I hadn't been getting ready at all. A very discombobulating moment. You have to understand, in my head I was actually showering. The only slightly out of place thing was Mr B standing next to me saying "good morning", which seemed a little odd given that I had spoken to him already and sent him downstairs to iron something for me to wear (he's well trained like that). It turns out I hadn't actually woken up at all. I had switched off my alarm, gone straight back to sleep and dreamt that I was getting ready for another tedious day at work. So I had to go through the whole process twice. I was not amused in the slightest, and Mr B mocked me rather a lot about it, insisting that this is not "normal" behaviour.

This is not the first time I have had bizzarre dreams. Many of them involve Mr B and they don't end well for him when I wake up and tell him off for the things he's been doing when I'm asleep. There was the time I dreamt we were getting married and I saw him sneaking out of one of our guest's houses on the morning of the wedding pulling his shirt on. I'll leave you to imagine what he'd been getting up to... On another occasion I was having his baby, but he didn't believe it was his and refused to speak to me unless I made the baby sleep in the shed (for clarification - this was a dream and no small children were harmed in its making). And on another occasion he broke up with me for his ex-girlfriend just because he "felt like a change" (he really suffered for that one).

Last night I dreamt that he had taken up bigamy as a hobby. Yes, that's right. He got married to another woman, a friend of his actually. He didn't seem to see the problem with this. As far as he was concerned, he had married her because she needed a fourth husband (that was the sole reason, nothing more important than that). To him, it seemed completely logical and I was overreacting for being upset about it. I woke up FURIOUS. Sadly, Mr B had already left the house, so I called him to give him a rather stern talking to for getting married behind my back (as you do), only to be completely baffled with his logic when I informed him of his misdemeanour : "actually, I would only be her third husband".