Office Etiquette : A Guide For Those Who Have Forgotten Their Manners

A couple of things happened today which really boiled my blood. They were not particularly significant incidents, but they were incredibly rude. This led me to thinking about all the other rude things that happen at work, and the way in which people should behave but don't. Without further ado, I present to you my guide to behaving appropriately in an office environment.

1. If I am holding a door open, you can be fairly sure that I intend to walk through it at some point in the immediate future. Therefore, if I am holding it open to allow you to pass through first, you should not stand in the doorway having a conversation and preventing me from getting through the door. I am not invisible. I know that you can see me standing there. It is not part of my job description to hold the door all day for your personal convenience.

2. Do not (under any circumstances) approach me whilst I am eating my dinner, lean over what I am eating, sniff what I am eating and then screw your nose up in disgust. If I am eating it, I obviously like it. Moreover, unless you are invited to sniff my food, this is an invasion of my personal space and you should avoid invading my personal space on pain of death.

3. If I ask you a question and you respond with a snappy "WHAT?", then I am fully entitled to be annoyed at you. You should not then continue as if you have not just attempted to decapitate me. It makes you look forgetful.

4. When the phone is ringing, it should be answered, and you should take your turn at answering the phone if you want me to continue liking you and not have daydreams about wrapping the phone cord around your neck.

5. The same applies to the door bell. If it is ringing, someone is standing there expecting to be let in. The bell does not ring itself.

6. On the subject of phones, if I am ringing your extension this generally means that I wish to speak with you. I do not have a fettish for pressing random numbers on the phone. Therefore, if you are sitting at your desk and not otherwise engaged when I call you, you should answer the phone.

7. On answering your phone you should say "hello" or at the very least "yes?" You should not remain silent. Your silence is not very conducive to holding a conversation.

8. Unless you are a part of my team, or a personal friend, do not come into my room whinging about your problems, whether they are work related or personal. You may be fooled by my cheery disposition, but I do not care.

9. If there is anyway that I can help with a work problem, then ask. Do not stand in the background whining on about it like some kind of damsel in distress expecting to rescued. I may look like a superhero, but I am not one.

10. When I go to the bathroom, I am generally intending to use the facilities. Do not follow me to the bathroom to discuss work. Wait for a more appropriate moment.